I found this nice piece in Rick Hanson’s book Just One Thing:

Say a friend is surprisingly critical toward you. It hurts, for sure, and you'll want to address the situation, from talking about it with the friend to disengaging from the relationship.

But also consider what may have caused that person to bump into you, such as misinterpretations of your actions; health problems, pain, worries or anger about things unrelated to you; temperament, personality, childhood experiences; the effects of culture, economy, or world events; and causes back upstream in time, like how his or her parents were raised.

Recognize the humbling yet wonderful truth: most of the time, we are bit players in other people's dramas.

When you look at things this way, you naturally get calmer, put situations in context, and don't get so caught up in me-myself-and-I. Then you feel better, plus more clearheaded about what to do.

I have taken things personally instead of considering the context.

When I can choose to ignore the negative voices in my head like the critic, the judger, the shame issuer, or the wounded child; I can discover understanding.

To remain neutral about the words and actions of others, calls on us to be curious about how those words and actions were chosen. What was going on with this person? Once we see through another’s eyes, we can choose more wisely how to act.

Compassion, curiosity, and courageous speaking, create joyful connections.

Contact Pamela Simmons

www.joyfulrelationship.us

www.pamelasimmonscounseling.com